Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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