How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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