I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
