....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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