its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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