I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
