i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
