You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dear god my vagina.
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