ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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