my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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