I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
