weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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