my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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