So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
