I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
