Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We left the knife in your bed.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
