I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Randomize
