Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
