you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
