Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
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He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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