my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Congratulations! We have a period
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