Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
