my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
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She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
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I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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