she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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