Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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