I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
