i'm lost and i look like a hooker
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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