god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
should my penis look like a turkey
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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