Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
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I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
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I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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