i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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