ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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