i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
