I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
