I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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