I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
