and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
