I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
