You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
