I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize