So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.