he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left