tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes