She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
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It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
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And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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