They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
