saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
