dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
