..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
