i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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