You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Sorry my hands just texted you
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
