No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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