Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
