Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You were trust falling into bushes
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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