Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
