Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
tell me about the eggs
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
