I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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