Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
do herpes really smell.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
