i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
