So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
