i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
