Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
