Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
