The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You are the jesus of drinking
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
