Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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