I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
