i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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