my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
