omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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