I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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