For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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