I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
