You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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