so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
