Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
