I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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