I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
