shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
