I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
