I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
