I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
