ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
