No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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