So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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