I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize