Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We have so much sex to catch up on
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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