That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
