So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
