You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
