i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
